Whereupon I Tell You I Continue to be a Druggie

Lotsa veggies on this diet. Lots!

Yes, I'm still in the land of the living.  Four years ago this month I would never have believed I would still be here today.  It was four years ago I underwent debulking surgery for ovarian cancer.  "Debulking" means exactly that...the surgeon removed the bulk or 95 percent of the cancer within my abdomen. And since it was still confined to the abdomen and a couple lymph nodes I was staged at III-C...meaning the cancer had not yet spread (metastasized) to other parts of the body.

So here I am, four years later, still doing one chemo drug after another, with each dropping my tumor marker (CA-125) a few notches before it begins rising again.  Right now I am on oral hexalen but that may be short-lived and I may be going on my eighth (8th!) chemo regimen soon.

Just call me a druggie.  I consume one drug after another. The only meds I refuse to take are pain meds. Because, frankly, I haven't needed them. Amazingly!

Anyway...I belong to an online forum of several hundred other ovarian patients.  And on that forum are a few members who are working with a naturopathic doctor in addition to their medical team.   Some of them have attained stability or even remission.  Maybe they would have anyway, I don't know, but I decided I would try what they are trying.

My bedside table after tidying it up.

So two weeks ago I flew 900 miles to meet with several other ovarians, and the naturopath.  Each of us has a treatment plan specific to our own condition...based on a myriad of blood tests (some of which insurance did not cover!).  The idea is to enhance the immuno system so the body can do its best to discourage continued cancer growth.

Along with various supplements I am going to spend a few months following a very low carb diet.  No dairy. No grains. No grain-fed meat.  Organic and grass-fed.

My family doc is interested in seeing how I do on this regimen. My Oncologist just shook his head.  On the other hand, he was agreeable to letting me have a PET/CT scan sometime this month...so....here we go.

In other news...which is not really news...I spent a few minutes this morning tidying my bedside table. I had it so piled high with books that I was afraid I would have a book landslide any moment. You've probably guessed I read in bed.

Another thing that is keeping me busy these days is Sunday School. I'm teaching a group of nine high school boys and girls.  I can't tell you how much I like these kids!  And they seem to like me right back.  I'm hitting them hard with lots of questions as we read through the Gospel of John.  Hey! The first 5 verses of chapter 1 are astounding!  And that's where we began. Chapters 6 and 10 are favorites of mine because they hold key verses so essential to any Christian...sadly, many Christians are unaware of these two chapters.

Specifically, John 6:37-40 and John 6:44-45.
And specifically, John  10:27-30.
(If you hover your cursor over the scriptures, they should pop up in a little window.)

To sum up...hubby and I are doing well (all things considered).  And we continue to have joy in our faith and in the promises of scripture.

May you be blessed this day.
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Ears That Hear

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.  Every woman knows about breast cancer.  Very few know the  symptoms of ovarian. Last month I was a guest blogger at the Scope Blog published by the Stanford School of Medicine. I've printed my column almost in its entirety.  Please read on.

Several years ago we moved back to the Midwest, and I needed to find a family physician. I opted for a female doctor, hoping that as a woman she might be more tuned to my aging female body and to its potential health problems. Potential, I say, because I thought I was in good health.  (Disclaimer...my new doctor was practicing in the Bigger City, not here in our hometown.)

I liked my new doctor and enjoyed my annual physicals and other visits. But looking back, I wish she would have listened more closely to my seemingly minor complaints. I may have been ignorant about the subtle and near-silent symptoms of ovarian cancer, including rib pain and the frequent need to urinate, day and night, but my doctor should have known. I expected her to know.

It was in 2007 when I first mentioned nightly pain under the edge of my bottom right rib.   I told my Doc I couldn’t sleep on my right side. Six months later I mentioned it again, and in late 2008 I once more mentioned the nagging discomfort. During that visit my doctor did a two-second rectovaginal pelvic examination and, as part of my physical, a full blood work-up. The results were still at the lab so before I left I asked her to send me a print-out.
 
Several days later my blood results arrived in the mail. Three pages. At the top of the first page my doctor had written, “Looks great!” endorsed by an inked smiley face. I casually scanned down the first page. Everything looked normal. But when I got to the third page I noticed my alkaline phosphatase reading was abnormally high, and I did what any normal person does these days: I Googled. Possibilities included problems with the gall bladder or liver and that dastardly word “cancer.” (Note! Always ask for copies of blood labs and other tests and read them.)

Naturally, I opted to think it was a gall bladder problem and asked for an ultrasound, which showed a large gallstone that I went in to get removed. 

My gall bladder surgeon was the one to give me the bad news. As I came out from under the anesthesia, his face swirled in the white light above me while he told me he had found cancer in my abdomen and on my liver (right where I had been experiencing pain). I remember distinctly the photos he showed me. Still under the influence of anesthesia, I replied quietly, “That is not good news.”

Fortunately for me, my surgeon referred me to a Gyno/Onc who debulked me, removed 95 percent of the cancer, tied my intestines into little “animal balloons” (I jest only slightly), returned them to my ab cavity and put me back together with 43 metal staples. I had just endured the “mother of all surgeries.” It was a brutal surgery but without it I would be long dead. The official diagnosis was ovarian cancer (stage III-C), and chemo followed. And followed. And followed.

Three and a half years later, I’m on my 5th chemo regimen. All things considered I’m doing fairly well: I lead an active life, do some volunteer work, take care of my home. I’m grateful to be alive. (Yes, I've been bald. Three Times!)

But I can’t help but think that if my doctor had listened more closely, more sharply, with “ears that hear,” to my ongoing complaints about rib pain, or if she had provided me with a simple informational brochure so I would been more knowledgeable, perhaps I would have been diagnosed long before Stage III-C.  

Every woman knows about breast cancer. But very few know about the symptoms or diagnostic tests associated with ovarian cancer – which could be why most of us are diagnosed late in the game, when statistics for survival are grim. Awareness is the most important piece of diagnosis – awareness by both the medical professional and the patient – and so I ask doctors to educate themselves and their patients about this deadly cancer.

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Perhaps it was unfair, but I "fired" that female doctor. Now I work with a family practitioner in our small town.  He watches over my overall health and follows my progress (or lack of it) in regards to my chemo. I like it that he's one of my neighbors and now and then I catch a glimpse of him riding his bicycle home after a long day at the clinic. Without using his hands on the handlebars!  Yikes! I like it even more when he takes the time to sit and really listen as we discuss what is going on in my "health".  

And those "silent symptoms" of ovarian cancer?  They can be easily mistaken for digestive and other problems.  But if symptoms are persistent, YOU be persistent with your Doc. Symptoms can include:

• Bloating
• Pelvic or abdominal pain (including under the bottom right rib)
• Trouble eating or feeling full quickly
• Need to urinate urgently or often (day and/or night)
• Fatigue
• Upset stomach or heartburn
• Back pain
• Pain during sex
• Constipation
• Menstrual changes
• (in my case, a mild anemia with no known cause)

If symptoms persist daily for more than two weeks the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition advises you to ask your physician for a combination pelvic/rectal exam, transvaginal ultrasound, and CA-125 blood test.  Tell 'em I sent ya.

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Whereupon I Almost Obtain a Medical Degree and Also Extol Bag Balm

Sometimes I think I should have a medical degree.  I kid you not. In the three and a half years since being diagnosed with ovarian cancer I believe I've Googled every symptom under the sun and also every drug combo available for treatment.

I've learned that caffeine may slighty inhibit the efficacy (I love that word) of topotecan.  I didn't know that after my first dosage.  But by my second, I had come across that little tidbit of information and for the duration (of the topotecan treatments) I gave up my morning coffee which consists of two or three cups of instant Folgers.  I'm not a caffeine fanatic as such...it's the ritual of selecting a cup, scooping and stirring the coffee granules, nuking in the microwave, sitting down with my Bible or sometimes yesterday's newspaper still lying unread on the table.  I love that morning ritual. But I gave up my coffee for the duration until the topotecan, like all my previous chemo drugs, stopped working.

Palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia.
Day 28 of Cycle 3

Thanks to Google I'm quite well versed on peripheral neuropathy, ocular migraines, palmar-plantar erythrodysesthesia (PPE), and other side-effects of chemotherapy. PPE, otherwise known as hand/foot syndrome, is a widely known side-effect of the chemo drug Doxil. I'm not on Doxil, but I am on its virtual twin, a drug called Lipo-Dox imported from India.  (Doxil, the American drug, is currently unavailable.)

I've learned that the lowly Bag Balm, a veterinary product originally intended to soothe the udders of milk cows, is a soothing balm for hand-foot syndrome. I buy mine at the local farm store on the edge of town and the past three weeks have slathered it twice daily on my poor, tender, reddened feet.  Thanks to Bag Balm my toes healed and are now merely "red and tender" this time round.

Thanks to an online forum for ovarian cancer patients I've become knowledgeable about various treatments, supplements (some advised, some not advised, some ill-advised), the importance of staying active, and maintaining a positive attitude.

Bag Balm, the farmer's friend (and mine)

It's that last one that is difficult. Some compare attitude to the half-full/half-empty glass.  But frankly, at my age, and with my diagnosis, I don't see the "half" as quite accurate.  I figure my glass, in terms of future longevity, is nearing "empty".  Yes, I may have a few years left. Three? Two? Four? Seven?  Who knows. My cancer can metastasize...any time!

Lipo-Dox is my fifth chemo regimen (sixth if I count the few weeks of tamoxifen taken jointly with my third regimen).  I use one drug until it stops working. When my tumor marker begins rising quickly, we know the chemo is no longer working. And we try the next drug.

Frankly I'm amazed.  I've been on carbo/taxol, carbo/taxol/avastin, carbo/gemzar, topotecan, and now Lipo-Dox.   I'm amazed my body is still in decent condition.  Up until recently I've been walking two miles several times a week.  Last month's hand-foot syndrome put the kibosh on walking. At least temporarily.

I'm trying to remain positive...not that the drugs will cure me. I know they won't. Not after so many recurrences, not unless there is a miracle from God Himself.  Nevertheless, I remain positive that treatment will keep me stable for a good while yet.

Some of my online friends have achieved long months or even years of remission.  But more of them are like myself, going through one chemo regimen after another, hoping for a few months in between to rest up for the next drug.

Many of these friends are Christians and recognize that the Bible tells us that God knows our every day before we are even born (Psalm 139:16).  They know that Christians, like everyone else, go through the ordinary travails of life in this world, including cancer.  They know, too, that God is the giver of courage and of faith itself (Ephesians 2:8-9).  As Christians we know that God is with us as we walk through the fire (Isaiah 43:2). We will not be overwhelmed. Instead we will praise God until that very last drop of water in that proverbial half-full/half-empty glass is gone.

May your day be full of good things. As is mine.

The Colorful Parrot

Topotecan! The name reminds me of a colorful parrot.
Today I get Topotecan. And tomorrow. And the following two days as well. Topotecan four days in a row.

So, what is Topotecan, you ask?

In one word, chemo.

Yep, my ovarian cancer has recurred for the third time. I don't know why we call it "recurred" because it has never once left my body. Oh, the scans have shown "no evidence of disease" a couple times, but everyone knows the scans cannot pick up miniscule areas of the disease.

Those ovca cells lurk here and there until they are once again ready to proliferate. Proliferate. Sounds like warfare, doesn't it? Yeah, it's warfare, all right. The battlefield is my body and the guns are chemo drugs. We do battle after battle, using one drug or another. When one drug fails (runs out of ammo) we try the next one.

They work, you know. Those drugs work (for awhile). They're spewing deadly shots at those cancer cells. The problem is that some of my other body cells succumb to "friendly fire" causing all kinds of symptoms...baldness being the most observable and well-known. I used to have a lovely white bob. I'll never wear my hair that way again. Sigh!

Oh, I'm not complaining. These drugs are keeping me alive.

The "colorful parrot" is my fourth chemotherapy regimen. In three years' time I've "enjoyed" the benefit (and side-effects) of the following:

1. Carboplatin and paclitaxel (carbo/taxol) (Yep, bald!)
   
2. Carboplatin and paclitaxel and avastin followed by 10 months of avastin as a maintenance drug. (Yep! Bald again!)
3. Carboplatin and gemzar (Maintained my hair on this one!)
4. Now - Topotecan. (Thinning hair - really thinning!)

In the past three years I've had 6 months drug-free.

I'm a walking druggie! (hahahahahaha....sorry, not funny) Thankfully, I take very few prescription meds. I seldom use ibuprofen or tylenol, preferring to roll through the difficult times. They used to tell us that as kids...roll through the punches. That's what I do. I roll through them. I'd rather put up with discomfort (spelled p-a-i-n) than toss something else into the cocktail for my liver and kidneys to deal with.

I belong to an online forum of other ovarian cancer patients. Some use supplements. Some don't. Some eat organic foods only. Some enjoy their chocolate and the occasional glass of wine. Reading their stories it seems to me that whatever diet/supplements they use does have a placebo effect....but not much. And so I just try to eat in a healthy manner and avoid junk foods.

Today I begin cycle three of the colorful parrot and will receive four consecutive days of the drug. Because the drug does a number on my blood counts, on the fifth day I will receive a neulasta shot. That's a bone cruncher! What I mean is that in jump-starting the blood producing areas in the bones, the drug also causes bone pain. But thanks to my online ovarian friends I've learned that taking a claritin the day of and the day after the shot greatly reduces the flu-like symptoms that are side-effects of the neulasta.

The next few days I will experience fatigue and malaise and perhaps some dizziness (assuming this 3rd cycle will affect me as the first two have done). By this time next week I'll be moving back to "normal" and I will be "drug free" for three weeks until cycle four.

Is the parrot working? So far. My blood tumor marker is improving.

How long will it work? Given the experience of prior chemos I can guess maybe 6 months. And expect in 9 months to be doing my 5th regimen, using yet another drug. Doxil is the drug of choice by my Oncologist...but you know the story there....there is no doxil available. The manufacturers claim a problem at the plant. Sure! We believe anything they say! Sure! Sure!

All in all, this has been one interesting journey. As a Christian I believe that all our days are known by God before they ever happen. (Psalm 139:16). And I believe that God knows everything about us, even the number of hairs (that fall out) on our head. (Luke 12:7). I figure I'll leave all of this in God's hands.

I'll do the things I'm supposed to do. I get up each morning, toss my legs out over the side of the bed, and recognize that this day is another day that God has given me. I'm going to enjoy it to the utmost. And I do.

P.S. Don't you think that topotecan parrot, wearing his straw hat, looks a bit like my profile pic? hahahahaha

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Waiting....In the Waiting Room...and Contemplating The Gospel

Recently I read a post by Mike Pohlman whose 40-year-old wife is fighting stage-4 breast cancer. He writes his thoughts from the oncology waiting room, a place where cancer patients spend much time. And do much thinking.

I want to quote just one paragraph...

Mike writes this....

"If we have eyes to see and ears to hear, the cancer-clinic waiting room reminds us that our lives are a vapor; that our days are all numbered; that He gives us life and breath and all things, and, therefore, we are utterly dependent creatures; that sin is real and has a million tragic consequences; that pride is ridiculously ugly and meekness wonderfully beautiful; that we are called to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and weep with those who are weeping; that people are either saved or lost; that God’s grace is real, His Son all-sufficient, and through the cross, cancer will one day be no more."

You can read all of Mike's post here.

As for me? I have stage 3-C ovarian cancer, just one stage short of metastasization (invasion of other organs), and I've spent more hours than I care to count sitting in an oncology waiting room. I'm on my third chemo regimen, having had six months off the first time, and eleven months off the second time (using a maintenance drug during that time). Now I'm trying a third cocktail, carbo/gemzar (carboplatin and gemcitibine). I'm doing well, all things considered. No major side-effects on this regimen other than low blood counts and a bit of nausea the day after treatment...and a bit of arthritis aggravated by the drugs. But I'm well. I'm doing well.

It's been two and a half years since my diagnosis. I'm grateful for this time that God has given me and I hope he gives me many more years. But the truth of the matter is, my life is utterly and completely in God's hands. Just as Mike mentioned at his post, we are dependent upon God for all things...the air we breathe, the blessings we have in this life, and the promise of the life hereafter.

Mike Pohlman is senior pastor at Immanuel Bible Church in Bellingham, Washington. In addition to his post at Ligonier Ministries, his article also appeared in Tabletalk Magazine, a daily devotional publication by Ligonier that is a great resource for your daily walk.

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Paul Did Not Use Google

Paul and his cohorts had no recourse to Google (nor Wikipedia for that matter). If he wanted to prove a point he had to produce eye-witnesses. Couldn't just look it up on the net. And so, when he wants to prove a point about the risen Christ, he reminds his readers that he is backed by well over 500 eye-witnesses.

Here's a short version of what he wrote to believers residing at Corinth.

He states that the risen Christ appeared (walked with, talked with) to:

• Peter
• the twelve disciples
• more than 500 brethren at one time (some who were still alive when Paul wrote this chapter and quite able and willing to testify of the same)
• James
• all the apostles
• to Paul himself

Paul is concerned that some of the believers do not believe in a bodily resurrection from the dead (for themselves, that is). Paul points out that if Christ has not risen from the dead then the following points are valid:

• there is no resurrection from the dead for us...when we die, we die. The End.
  
• it is pointless to preach Christ
• our faith in Christ is pointless
  
• what we proclaim as "truth" is mere "lie"
  
• those who have died have perished...there is no heaven

But Paul is saying that Christ Is Risen. And he has 500+ witnesses to that event. Then he points out the order and meaning of the fact of the risen Christ:

• Christ...the first to rise from the dead.
• In Adam (as descendants of Adam) we all die. None of us gets out of here alive.
• In Christ (joined to him by faith) we will be made alive.
• We get our resurrected bodies at his second advent (his second coming)

But we are not yet there. Death still takes each one of us. But the emphasis here is that Death itself will someday be done away with. There will come a time when there will be no more death! Verse 26 says it like this..."The last enemy that will be abolished is death."

You can read Paul's more plainly here. I Corinthians 15:3-28

And Paul's concluding thoughts here. I Cor. 15:54-55

Jesus came to undo the work of the devil. He came to undo the death that Adam's sin brought to all of us. He came to put an end to death. An end to death? How can there be better news than that? And, hey! That thing about Jesus undoing the work of the devil? You can hover your cursor over the following verses to read about that.
Hebrews 2:14
1 John 3:8

On Easter we celebrate Christ's victory over death on our behalf. In Adam we die. In Christ we live. The latter only because Christ Himself lives and has conquered death.

J.C. Ryle (a much better writer than I) put it this way....We need not wonder that so much importance is attached to our Lord’s resurrection. It is the seal and memorial stone of the great work of redemption, which He came to do. It is the crowning proof that He has paid the debt He undertook to pay on our behalf, won the battle He fought to deliver us from hell, and is accepted as our guarantee and our substitute by our Father in heaven. Had He never come forth from the prison of the grave, how could we ever have been sure that our ransom had been fully paid (1 Corinthians 15:17)? Had He never risen from His conflict with the last enemy, how could we have felt confident that He has overcome death – and him that had the power of death, that is the devil (Hebrews 2:14)? But thanks be unto God, we are not left in doubt. The Lord Jesus really rose again for our justification.

And so we live by faith.
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Today I Am Serious --- Again!

The following is a reposting of my blog entry of July 28, 2008. Lest you think my seemingly fascination with death is due to my having cancer, this post was written six months prior to my diagnosis. I labeled it, "Today I Am Serious." Here is the entry as I wrote it then.

I didn't wake up this morning thinking about today's topic. But someone emailed me this quote by Martin Luther King: "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

I know what he means, of course. He's not talking about the end of life; he's not talking about death. He's talking about moral cowardice and failure.

Death, real Death, is deeper than that...deeper than moral failure on our part. More insidious. More deadly (if I can use "death" to define "death").

Biologically, our lives begin their trek toward death the moment we are conceived. Yes, I recognize that at conception rapid growth occurs. Our cells multiply and divide more prolifically at that point than ever again. It would hardly seem to be a time of dying. But if I consider life as a "time" thing, that we live in "time", that each moment in time is a moment closer to our physical death, then I recognize that my "march toward death" began the moment I began life...at conception.

The moment of death comes to us in many ways. Some live a "natural" lifespan and die of old age. Some die premature, violent deaths. Some linger long and painfully as some disease or bodily dysfunction ends their living days. Somehow we see natural death (old age) as "better" than dying prematurely by accident or disease. We see painless death as "better" than a death that comes painfully. We see certain deaths as tragic and senseless while we view other deaths as normal or natural.

But it is really not the manner of death that is so terrible. The tragedy, the human tragedy, is that we die at all! That death exists! That death awaits all!

It behooves us, then, to take into consideration where and when death entered into the world.

The Bible tell us "The wages of sin is death...", Romans 6:23.

If that is so, then which of my sins causes my death? The one I committed yesterday? The day before? The first time I deliberately chose wrong over right? Which Sin? And if it is sinful action on the part of the individual that brings that individual's death, then what about that newborn infant? The one who took two breaths and died. What sin did that infant commit that was worthy of death?

In regards to myself, some might answer that it is all my sins that bring about my death. That I am guilty of all. And that is true. I am guilty of all my sins. So in a sense I could say that all my sins cause my death. (Remember...as a Christian, I also am completely aware of and thankful for the forgiveness that Christ gives at the Cross.)

Death entered into the world long before I was conceived and born. I'm talking about the death that we are born into. Read Genesis, Chapter 3. My death comes about because of Adam's sin (and ultimately my own sin). It is Adam's sin that brought death into the world...to himself, to his posterity, and to all the animal kingdom. Death reigned in Adam. When he sinned he entered into a condition of death. And as his children we are conceived already entering into death.

The Bible speaks more about death, though, and gives us promise. It tells us that while in Adam we die, in Christ we live. (Romans 5:12-20). It also says that death will someday be destroyed (Rev. 20:14) and that death will not have the victory (1 Corinthians 15:55). (click on the texts to read the verses)

As Christians we can have confidence that death is not the end, that death will not have the victory, that we have life in Christ.

Dennis Ngien, in Christianity Today, puts it this way... "While we should be aware daily of the inevitable reality of death, we can live as those who have been freed from the curse and sting of death. Luther wisely reminds us to ponder "the heavenly picture of Christ," for in Christ, we have passed from death to life. Death is no death to the believers whose lives are hidden with Christ in God."

Today I am serious.

In Regards to My Previous Spitting of Nails And In Which I Give you More Advice in a More Lucid Manner

In regards to yesterday's post, I want to say that there is ample room in the world of cancer treatment for alternative methods in addition to the medical treatment we might be receiving.

With my stage III-C ovarian cancer, the routine (for most) is debulking surgery followed by chemotherapy. Chemo brings its own problems but hopefully the benefits outweigh the problems.

Statistics with ovarian cancer are not good, so you will bear with me when I say that ovarian patients get a teensy bit anxious about their future. I'm one of the fortunate 4 out of 10 that has made it to the two-year mark. And in their anxiousness they desire to have the best chance possible for not only long life but also quality life. And so many of us do a certain amount of research about established medical treatments as well as alternative methods.

But enough of that. This post is about alternative treatments...the world of supplements, special teas, special diets, and the sale of a multitudinous number of books with titles similar to "How I Cured My Cancer and How You Can Too!" (This is a title I made up...but similar to those on the market.) Many of these books are written by people with no medical background and who have a financial stake in selling their book, so excuse me if I get a bit skeptical about their personal recommendations for my life (and or death).

Basically, I try to eat well. I take calcium, Vit D3, and magnesium (which is doctor ordered) in addition to my meds. I do not use other vitamins/supplements/teas/yada. That's my personal preference after doing much reading.

Others use supplements after their own period of study in hopes that their use may be beneficial. And it may. That is each one's personal decision. (I hope they run those past their Oncologist for while some supplements can be of benefit, other supplements may actually work against the effectiveness of chemo/radiation/yada.)

Having said all of the above it concerns me when cancer patients swallow the idea that "doctors are in this for the money".

To refute that, I will say that I doubt there is an Oncologist out there who, if his most beloved came down with cancer, would tell them to NOT use the established medical treatments. I'm betting he would advocate good medical care because he thinks that is the very best option. He might or might not include supplements/dietary changes, etc. But he would NOT advise his beloved wife/child/parent to EXCLUDE medical care IN LIEU of relying solely on an alternative treatment.

I've browsed the internet in regards to Essiac tea, the Budwig protocal, various cancer gurus, and now in regards to a book by Kelley Eidem, "The Doctor Who Cures Cancer". His book is apparently a biography of a Dr. Emanuel Revici who researched diet in regards to cancer during the 1940s-1990s.

Those enticed to try Eidem's method should check Eidem's personal claims carefully. First of all, he claims (according to his words) to have discovered, almost overnight, blotches on his skin that he apparently self-diagnosed to be cancer stage IV. And he claims to have cured his Stage IV cancer in two weeks with use of garlic/hot peppers/oils etc. I'll leave it to you to check out his exact methods. He desires to sell you his book about Dr. Revici wherein this method is supposedly laid out...I haven't read it myself so I'm just guessing this by his website. The book sells for approximately $27 for softcover or $21 download.

Cancer patients should be aware that many of the websites that "recommend" Eidem's book are somehow tied to him and/or his book sales. I have not found an established medical website that recommends this method as a cancer cure.

Those interested in reading Eidem's book can buy it and decide for themselves. However, I would ask them to FIRST read what the following medical websites have to say about the man that Eidem wrote about, Dr. Emanuel Revici.


The Univ. of California, San Diego, Moores Cancer Center writes here:
http://tinyurl.com/6hla693


The MD Anderson Cancer Center mentions Revici here:
http://tinyurl.com/6jahx2z


The American Cancer Society mentions Revici here:
http://tinyurl.com/65hocua

AFTER you have read these three reviews, THEN if you are still interested, you can google Eidem to find where you can buy his book.

At least the medical establishment (and your Oncologist) will tell you the truth about the statistics. Alternative practitioners who have not followed appropriate research methods cannot give you accurate statistics. They can only say things such as "a 23-year-old woman was cured" or "a 55 year old man with brain tumor was cured". They will not tell you of the large number who died while under their care. Nor how soon they died.

I hope my words do not sound harsh. It is extremely important, that if one wishes to make an educated decision, that they carefully research BOTH what the medical people can do and what the alternative caretakers can provide.

Many alternatives are beneficial. For instance, if acupuncture was available close by, I might consider it for my neuropathy. I wouldn't mind doing some juicing of veggies/fruits to enhance my diet. There are probably supplements I could take for neuropathy but if I take them, I will first run them by my Oncologist.

But while many alternatives might be beneficial, you should also use some skepticism when reading claims by those out "to sell something". "Something" being their book or their personal brand of vitamins, teas, supplements.

This is my opinion only. And I hope you won't think I'm being harsh in my words.

I wish all my fellow ovarian cancer patients (and other cancers, too!) well and pray that each might have a full, long life instead of dealing with this disease.

Now. It's past my bedtime. And this is long enough. Bless you all. And may you seek God in the midst of your affliction, asking him for peace of mind, wisdom, reassurance. Remember that even Job, that righteous man of God, was not spared affliction.

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They Wanted Her Dead. But She Lives.

Nearly twenty years ago Hubby and I sat at table in a large conference room in the City. We listened attentively as Gianna Jessen related to us her journey...a journey that began with herself being the product of a saline abortion. In spite of the attempt to abort her, Gianna was born live.

It is possible that some of my readers may have aborted a child themselves. I risk stepping on toes, but I do not want you to see this post as a condemnation. God knows, we have all sinned in one way or another, and most of us have sins of our own that we do not reveal, sins that we hate.

So on this Sunday, this day when many are standing on streets, speaking out for Life...take just a few moments to listen to Gianna as she speaks of abortion from her perspective as "one of the aborted".

Thank you. God bless you.
(Thanks to Karin for the pointing me to this video.)

Just Call Us the PowerPort Twins!

Hubby and I shared a unique experience today. An experience that you probably would not wish to share. We sat in chairs side by side.

You may well ask, "Why is sitting in chairs side-by-side a unique experience?"

My reply? The uniqueness is that we sat side-by-side at the clinic receiving our respective chemos for our respective diseases. We each have PowerPorts implanted just under the skin below our collar bones and I call us the PowerPort Twins!

Our ports allow the nurse to simply plug the chemo line right into the port, much like you might plug a phone charger into a wall outlet. There is therefore no need for multiple needle sticks trying to find veins for access. (I LUV my PowerPort!)

Fortunately for Hubby, his chemo (decadron and velcade) takes minutes, not hours. I, on the other hand, spend nearly four hours receiving my chemo cocktail of benedryl, zantac, aloxi, and decadron, (all to prevent allergic reaction and nausea) and the chemo drug Avastin which was recently shown by clinical trial to be beneficial in extending remission time for ovarian cancer patients. Right now I'm in remission. For how long? Only God knows.

Hubby has an extremely rare disease labeled "Light Chain Deposition Disease". It is an auto-immune disease that drops stuff ("light chains"; I can't explain it to you) into the kidneys, effectively plugging the kidneys which then go into failure. He began dialysis about two weeks ago. Dialysis takes four hours, three times weekly.

LCDD has a nasty side-effect of also depositing "light chains" in other body organs...the heart, lungs and liver. This is not good! So far, we see no evidence of that having happened. Dialysis will work to replace the function of the non-working kidneys. But it cannot work in place of heart, liver lungs. The hope is that his chemo protects those organs by halting the deposits. Only time will tell if the chemo works. It seems to be...but we will not know for certain for some months.

Wouldn't it be nice to not have to deal with the waiting and wondering?

Will Hubby's treatments work for him?

Will my remission be two months? six months? two years? Do I dare even type "five years?". Wouldn't it be nice to have a definite timetable for the remaining part of our lives? It's so difficult to plan your life as if you have ten years when you don't know if you have six months. My mind goes back and forth with both scenarios for both of us. It's rather dizzying!

I do know this...life is uncertain for all of us. You need not have cancer or some rare disease to meet Death. Let me tell you about my 92-year-old friend R.

I knew R through our interest in quilting although I hadn't seen her for quite some time. She resided in a senior assisted apartment in the small town north of us. My friend R often drove her electric scooter several blocks to a little quick shop for a few groceries. Each trip meant crossing a set of train tracks both coming and going. I don't know the whys or the whereofs but last week something dreadful happened. Somehow R's scooter tipped and she fell onto the tracks. Witnesses who saw her fall were unable to reach her in time to save her from the oncoming train.

I'm still stunned by it all. The scenario goes through my mind...what were her final moments like?....and what about the train engineer...how is he dealing with this?...and the witnesses...how are they dealing with having witnessed this tragic scene. This woman was a good Christian woman and well loved in her community.

So I repeat my words above. Life is Uncertain...for all of us. We will each face death one way or another. It may come with cancer. It may be a train wreck. It may be any one of a thousand scenarios. It can happen at any age in any manner due to any circumstance. Life is Uncertain.

Living with two serious diseases in the household has caused us to do some serious thinking about death. We're quite open with each other and we talk about it. And that's a good thing.

We want to face death (whenever that may be) with grace and peace and no fear. It is so easy to fall into doubt and fear of the unknown things ahead of us. And so I (and Hubby) cling to the words of the Bible...the promise...the promise of Life in Christ. We trust God's provision for us, even in these present circumstances.

Today I leave you with I Corinthians 15:1-58 and particularly verses 51-57 where Paul writes the following regarding the earthly and eternal...our bodies subject to death and our eternal bodies.

⁵¹Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
⁵²in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed.
⁵³For this perishable body (earthly body subject to death) must put on the imperishable (eternal body), and this mortal body (body of death) must put on immortality (eternal life).
⁵⁴When the perishable (our earthly body) puts on the imperishable (our eternal body), and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
"Death is swallowed up in victory."
⁵⁵ "O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?"
⁵⁶The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
⁵⁷But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

I hang onto those words and I treasure them. This is a promise. From the One Who Never Lies (God Himself!).

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A String of Thoughts and a Concluding Rant

Friday in the chemo chair I visited with a breast cancer patient who lives up the road aways. My trip is a blessed two blocks. She has to drive 26 miles. But even so, she was grateful that we have a clinic so close by. And that they pamper us like crazy! Coffee and cookies! Lunch of choice! Cozy, home-town environment!

Ms. D and I had met a couple times before while we were doing blood draws, but this was our first "long" visit in the chair...although I did sleep much of the time and perhaps she did as well. (I hope I didn't snore!)

Ms. D, as I mentioned, is a breast cancer patient. She had both breasts removed simultaneously. Many BC patients choose to have reconstruction surgery. Remove 'em. Replace 'em. Sometimes one at a time. And sometimes with not one, but multiple surgeries. And Ms. D confided that, initially, this is what she thought she would do. And then she decided, "Nah, she didn't need 'em." Any surgery has its risks and potential complications. Any surgery is a blow to the body. And so she decided not. She's happily married. Her hubby is happy she's alive. She says a padded bra functions easily and nicely in regards to making her clothing fit well and look nice. (This is not meant as an argument against such surgery...I'm just stating Ms. D's decision and her reasons. And it seems perfectly reasonable to reconstruct when only one breast has been removed or even for emotional well-being! Having cancer is bad enough...it's nice to look and feel "normal", although "normal" never seems to arrive for most cancer patients...it's always on the mind. Always!)

Hers seemed like a sensible decision to me. Because I had thought about that...what if my cancer were BC instead of ovarian cancer? Would I choose reconstruction. And I reasoned, "Nah, I don't need 'em." In fact, I thought it might be a little freeing. (Oh, My, on my first try I typed freezing! Had to giggle about that one!)

You may wonder why I am mentioning all this.

It's like this. I was at the grocery store this morning, standing in the checkout line. There was the usual assortment of glitzy girly magazines. Photos of bikini girls on the cover. Every Cover!!!

And I thought to myself how sad it is that so many young women do not feel "womanly" unless they can blatantly display their womanly wares. And how sad it is that so many women feel they need breast augmentation in order to do so (display perfect womanly wares, that is). And how sad it is that at least 200,000 women feel the need to "perfect" their wares Every Year in this country. (This figure does not include those who have surgical reconstruction after cancer or accident.)

And I thought to myself...wow...what every photo here reveals is that every women has TWO. Count them! One! Two! And they all look alike (except for a couple really purposely oversized examples).

And then I thought about Mel Gibson's taped words wherein he accused his woman of being a rather slatternly woman. Wait a minute! Didn't he google her before moving her in? Didn't he know that she posed in scanty lingerie (and whatever other poses there may be out there...I was afraid to google beyond the lingerie photos!) Surely he didn't pick her out of a lineup of women whose daily attire consisted of denim jumpers, long skirts, long hair tied back into buns. He knew who she was before they got together! What's his complaint now!

And then I think about young mothers who insist on treating their young daughters as "little princess". A princess of inestimable physical beauty who is deserving of adulation from every family member...and then from every person outside the family, including every male within sight. Don't they know they're grooming her, setting her up to this un-idealistic idea of womanhood?

Whatever happened to teaching modesty and covering our children for their own protection from those who would like to do them harm? Don't we realize by now, after countless headlines, that there are perverts everywhere! Our daughters should not be taught to parade themselves in today's version of "body-baring-beauty" at such young age.

Okay. My mind is rambling here...from one topic to another. But I hope you will go to read my earlier post about protecting your children. Read it here.

(If I seem a bit rambly today...it's because this is my brain on chemo drugs. Tomorrow will be a different matter...I'll have crashed flat.)

What I Learned Yesterday In the Chemo Chair

Since February I've been doing chemo three weeks out of four. (It's an easy chemo...only minor side effects. That is, if you can call hair loss minor to a woman's way of thinking! That plus a certain lethargy.) It's a matter of 3-4 hours but yesterday's time in the chemo chair was nearly 6 hours long! My bloods had been faxed to the City the day before so that the Onc could sign the order and fax it back to our local clinic.

Somehow no order was available until I had been in the recliner nearly two hours. No matter, I had taken a book to read.

I've mentioned Kevin DeYoung's book, The Good News We Almost Forgot: Rediscovering the Gospel in a 16th Century Catechism. DeYoung presents the 129 questions/answers of the Heidelberg Confession in a 52 week format, providing a summary narrative each week.

Since I've never been through the Heidelberg Catechism (something is remiss in my theological training...I'm in my 60s and this is the FIRST time I've studied this catechism) I was pleased when Hubby bought me a copy. I'm reading it slowly. The book includes the questions/answers and DeYoung's narratives, but does not list the scriptures associated with each Q/A and which are greatly instructional to the reader.

And so I have downloaded the Catechism Q/As AND the scriptures. It is helpful to me to read the scriptures that support each answer.

So yesterday I'm in the chemo chair and I have a good solid two hours to read. I was blessed with the delay in getting doctor's orders because one of the first drugs to be infused is benedryl and, you guessed it, it puts me to sleep for nearly the duration. Nurse Diana brings me lunch and I eat in what feels like a drug-induced haze but other than that, I spend my time sleeping.

So here are some (not all) of my thoughts on yesterday's reading.

Question 12 asks, "According to God's righteous judgment we deserve punishment both in this world and forever after: How then can we escape punishment and return to God's favor?"

Answer 12: God requires that His justice be satisfied. Therefore the claims of His justice must be paid in full, either by ourselves or another.

Let me interject a thought here. It is disconcerting that many in contemporary Christianity (and in the secular world as well) like to believe "God is Love". They distort that to "God loves everyone" and worse to "God is not a God of wrath".

That is the view I get from the women I teach in jail (Sadly, I've had to again take hiatus from teaching although I still fill in on an emergency basis)! For the most part the religious background of these women is nil, and their most common concept of God, if they have one, is that "God is love". So, then, how do I introduce them to the concept that God is also a "God of wrath" and that we need a Savior who will save us from that wrath, and that God Himself makes the provision for that salvation in His Son Jesus?

Sadly, many today do not teach that God hates (yes, I said "hates!!") sin. And He hates it to the extent that except for His redemptive work through Christ on our behalf we would all perish. And we would perish because in and of ourselves we are unable, totally unable to redeem ourselves.

We can not ourselves undo what we inherited from Adam...his sin nature. Nor can we undo the fact that Adam's sin is our sin...that we are guilty of sin because we are in Adam...we are born (conceived) into Adam's sin and are subject to Adam's sin AND Adam's death. (Add to that the fact that we ourselves sin and there seems no end to the extent of our sins).

Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man (that's Adam) and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned-- (in Adam we all sinned).

But, you ask, how can we be held accountable for Adam's sin? How can we be deemed guilty of the "sin nature" he acquired when he first sinned? We were not there! Or were we? Let's look at that.

This may seem like a difficult concept. We believe in fairness and in fairness we would suffer condemnation only for what WE do, and not what our common ancestor Adam did so long ago before death entered the world.

But you see, we WERE there WITH Adam. We were IN Adam.

God had instructed Adam that in the day that he sinned he would "surely die". But in Genesis 3 we do not see Adam being struck by lightning (which was God's righteous perogative) and death does not come instantly. No. In God's great mercy He moves Adam and Eve out of Eden and allows them to live for a long while. During this time we begin to be born. We are their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, to a thousand and more "greats". We are the descendants of Adam and Eve, all of us, every race, every color, every people, every tribe. We are all their descendants. (This post is long...but stay with me. Keep reading!)

If God had chosen to eliminate Adam and Eve, to have them die instantly on the spot, we would never have come to be born. We were THERE, all of us, in Adam's (and Eve's) loins. We were in their DNA, their genes. Without them we would never be. And if God had carried out the penalty of death right then and there...we would be DEAD before we were ever BORN. It is in great mercy that He did not do that.

God, in His mercy, allowed them to live...and in that mercy allowed US to live. We are each one of us alive today because of God's great mercy extended to Adam and his descendants. While we live we are still children of Adam and hence, still participate in his penalty of death. In Adam we die as we read in Romans 5:12.

That's bad news for all of us. We all die in Adam. That is the sorrow of life...that we are subject to death. We, our loved ones, our babies, our young ones, our middle-aged ones, our old ones. We All Die. Some easily, some painfully, some acceptingly, some resistingly. But death belongs to all. There is no escaping. (I hope you do not find this morbid...if you do, it is only because you have not already accepted this fact. We understand it more as we age.)

But the Good News is that Paul explains further in Romans 5:18-19 "Therefore as one trespass (Adam's sin) led to condemnation for all men (that's us), so one act of righteousness (the righteous life of Christ and His complete obedience unto death on the cross on our behalf) leads to justification and life for all men (to those whom the Father has given Him, those to whom God gives new life, to those who are in Christ).

And the "wrath" of God? His anger towards sin? Paul mentions that, too. Romans 5:9 "Much more then, having now been justified by His blood (the blood of Christ), we shall be saved from the wrath of God (God's righteous anger towards sin) through Him (through Christ)."

Not only are we justified by Christ's blood on our behalf and made right before the throne of judgment, we are also saved from the wrath of God's righteous judgment against our sin. We stand before God clean and right because He has made us clean and right through Christ. That, friend, is Good News.

The easy summation is this:

Bad news: In Adam we die.
Good News: In Christ we live.

Yesterday I saw it this way:

1. Adam, prior to sin, had access to the Creator and to life provided by the Creator. He had life.

2. Adam, after his sin, lost that access to "life" for himself and for his descendants. He now had death. And in Adam WE have death. (Except for what God would provide for him and us through the promised Savior).

3.Adam and his descendants, those who are of the elect, those who will receive new life through God's work on man's behalf, regain access to "eternal life" through the intercessory work of the Christ, the Savior, the one who is fully God and fully Man. Jesus, the God-Man, stands as mediator between fallen man and God the Father. He is our sacrifice, our advocate, our savior. It is in Christ that we have life and that life begins in the Here and Now and continues in the Hereafter. John 5:24

Thanks be to God who created us and who redeems us. The work of creation AND of redemption is His work. On our behalf. In His great mercy. And that is how we can say truely that "God is love." Sin was a costly sin. His love is a costly love, a cost that He Himself provided through His Son on the cross on our behalf.

(You can read the catechism with scriptures here. And if you get bogged down on the first question, do not stop there. Go deeper. Keep reading. Study it out for yourself. Where you have questions, write them down, but keep reading!!)

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Yesterday - Just Fluff! Today - Deadly Serious!

Yesterday's post was "fluff" if you please. Today's is more serious. I guess you could call it "deadly serious".

Unless you've been following my blog for awhile, you may be unaware of the following:

1) I'm a lot older than most of my readers...except for my mom, who obviously is older than I. *waves hi to mom!*

2) I have ovarian cancer, diagnosed about 18 months ago.

3) I am well into my second series of chemo...carbo/taxol/Avastin... and hope to finish up with the heavy guns the last week in July. I'm thinking my Oncologist may have me continue on with the Avastin. He recently attended a conference in Chicago where results of a clinical trial show that continuance with Avastin has efficacy in extending "stability"...that means it extends the time of non-recurrence. It is not a cure. I'm all for extending time of non-recurrence. On the other hand every drug has it's risks...including Avastin. So I'm happy on one hand to have it available and I'm a bit apprehensive on the other hand as to whether the possible benefits outweigh possible risks.

4) My hubby, who has been bearing the brunt of being "caretaker" during this time has himself now been diagnosed with a major health problem. That means we both are looking at serious stuff in terms of treatment, well-being during and after treatment, and...if you wish to really know...in terms of the end of our lives.

Some of you, being younger, may look at us as "old" and therefore "naturally" close to the end of our lives. But from our perspective, we are still "young" relatively speaking! We have many friends and relatives who are much older than we, and who are still living stable, healthy lives...people who are happy and hale. So even though we may be "old" in your eyes, it is startling to be advised that we have suddenly shifted from "well" to having "serious health issues".

(Some of you, being younger, may be blissfully unaware that either of our two ailments can happen to people in your age bracket...the twenties, thirties, forties, etc. Please be advised that I have become acquainted with many of your age who are dealing with the same health issues with which we are dealing. Youth is not a safety net when it comes to the peculiarities of disease!)

I want to say this...during this time we have had to look at "life" and "death". We've looked at the "what-ifs" and the "whens" and the "why-fores". And I, at least, am astounded that we are moving through this with grace...a God-given grace that precludes anxiety or despair! We're certainly curious about it all, educating ourselves as to the ailments and the treatments, learning to eat in ways that enhance our daily lives, setting aside things that used to be "important", and recognizing a little more truly that "life here on earth is short".

We are almost, but not quite, surprised to be able to look back and see God's providential care (Divine Providence, if you please) through all of this. We see circumstances taken care of almost on their own...or at least in a sequence that has eased us through the past 18 months. Happenings that brought us to good health care and diagnosis at the right time. Responsibilities that were taken off our shoulders at the right moment. We have seen God's providential care for us in all of this. We rest easy in His care.

I'm not saying this past year and a half has been without concern or fret. We (at least I) have been forced to look carefully at our faith, at the promises of Scripture, at the hope we have in Christ. I've been forced to bend my knee in prayer, bowing down to God through all of this. And I have had to conclude that it is not about me. It is all about Christ. It is not about us. It is all about the good and perfect will of God.

I've been reminded of such words as Job's "Even though he slay me, yet will I trust him".

And Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you: and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

This past couple weeks I've begun reading through Kevin DeYoung's book on the Heidelberg Catechism. Question #1 in that catechism is "What is your only comfort in life and in death?" The answer to that question could be summed up in "I belong fully to Christ and He provides all that I need, both here and now, and in the hereafter. That is the ultimate comfort in life. And it is the ultimate comfort as we go into death.

The Heidelberg Catechism itself includes scripture references below each question/answer (DeYoung's book does not include the scriptures) and I've been reading each of those scriptures. They remind me and reassure me of the good promises of God. Scriptures such as: (You can hover your cursor over each scripture to read them.)
I Cor. 6:19-20
Romans 14:7-9
I John 1:7-9
I John 2:2
Hebrews 2:14-15
John 6:39-40 (I love this one!)
John 10:27-30 (and this one as well!)
Matthew 10:29-31
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:15-16
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 (this one!)
2 Corinthians 5:5
Ephesians 1:13-14 (and this!)

My prayer for you is that you know and understand that our salvation is found in the work of Christ...and that you understand more fully each day the promise of God's providential care for those who are His. This is where true comfort lies.

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My Problem Is That I Don't Know "The Song"!

I've finally figured out that my problem is that "I don't know the song".

Let me go back in time a bit. I and my siblings attended a school with an excellent music program. And we participated in everything. Between us we had a small band ourselves...we played trombone, tuba, clarinet, saxophone and trumpet. And we were good, thanks to Mom, who made us practice EVERY day. One of us would be practicing our lesson in the bathroom while another played in the bedroom. I don't know how she put up with all the racket because even with doors shut it must have been a time of confusing noise. In high school I even played the guitar a bit. (Click on the photo for a larger view.)


Mrs. Matthews, our band leader, also taught ALL vocal music in our small western Iowa school. And under her tutelage we had vocal music from first grade upward. In high school nearly everyone participated in at least chorus, a glee club, or Madrigal.

And there were contests. We memorized instrumental solos and played in duets and quartets and sextets. We did the same in vocal. We brought home honors in marching and concert band. We marched and played at College homecomings. We had an excellent instructor and we worked and we loved music. We were proud to put on our band uniform or our choral robe and perform.

Music continued in church. We sang in the children's choir and as teens, in the adult choir. We knew how to read music and between us we sang baritone, tenor, alto, soprano.

We were musical.

But today I don't know "the song".

Which song, you ask? I'm talking about today's emphasis in worship service on choral songs vs. hymns.

You see, I still know the hymns. I love the hymns. I can use the hymnal and read the music and sing soprano or alto. And if I listen to the song leader, sometimes I can carry the tenor.

But I don't know the song. The Christian radio song. The "new" chorus songs of which we sing three every Sunday morning.

Why?

I was thinking of this in the wee hour of the morning...it is 4:00 am and I cannot sleep. And I'm lying there remembering a remark my brother made last week. He was visiting and we were watching a movie on television. He, being of my vintage, in his sixties, asked, "Do you find it hard to hear the words above the background noise?"

Oh, yah, I do. There are some movies I may as well watch close-captioned. It's been that way for years. The background noise sounds loud and strident while the spoken words are low and jumbled and undecipherable. I cannot make them out, however much I turn my head to hear them.

When I was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and was participating in a clinical trial, one of the things they asked was that I have my hearing tested so they could verify whether or not the chemo drugs would eventually affect my hearing. That test showed my hearing to be within the "normal" range. My "normal" hearing is A-okay. I can still carry on conversations without asking "What did you say?" (Unless Hubby and I try to talk to each other three rooms away from each other or when there is excessive background noise...well, in that case...we're both hard of hearing.)

But when there is background noise such as on the radio or TV, the words disappear from my hearing range. It's been at least ten years since I've listened to Christian music stations. It's pointless. I cannot understand the words they are singing. I don't know the song.

I do like Christian radio stations that focus on teachers. Voices are easily audible to my ear. But when background instrumental is added? All I hear is a jumble, an excessive volume on the instrumental, and a relentless (and may I add, monotonous) heavy drum beat...all of which drowns out the words before they reach my ears.

I'm not saying the worship leaders at our church sound that way. They don't. The instrumental is excellent and (for my ears at least) at an appropriate volume level. And their words come across just right for my ears. But I find it exceedingly difficult to follow the song because I don't know the song! Because I do not listen to Christian music stations I simply am not familiar with the words. And worse, I am not familiar with the way the music moves. How the music moves is extremely important in being able to "sing" the song. There seems to be very little rhyme or reason as to the direction the notes take, nor how long they are held, nor when they move up or down. It's often incomprehensible to my "traditional musical sensibilities". And try as I might, even when I have become somewhat familiar with a particular song, there is a certain level of difficulty that remains.

Hymns, you know, are written with chords. Strong four-part chords. They are predictable. And even if we sing a hymn I have never before heard, I can read the musical notes and "know" where the song is going. There is a tradition or rule to it. And even though I may not be able to "name the rule" I am completely familiar with the sensibility of it. (You probably think my reasoning is very strange! lol) And I love to listen to the "golden oldies" of my youth! Why? Because I "know" the song...their words AND melody.

But the choruses? The notes are seldom played with a strong four-part harmony nor with a predictable format. The notes seem to wander all over the place. One word may go like this --- ah-ahhh-ah-ahhhh-ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-ah. One syllable of one word! And where it goes from there, who knows? I don't! I'm supposed to sing that syllable up and down and up and down and hold and finally let go and move onward (up or down?) to the next syllable. The entire phrase may move in areas that are totally unexpected to my musical upbringing. It's incomprehensible to my musical background. I want to zig when they want to zag. I want to release a word and move to the next and they want to sing an aria with a single syllable! I am constantly lost as to where I need to go with the next word/note.

I don't know the song.

I do try. There are some that I can sing. If I focus my ear on the voice of one of the worship leaders I can follow along. But other songs? Naw. I just can't sing them. I don't know them. I can't learn them.

I am extremely grateful that our church includes a couple good hymns each Sunday. But the choruses? I wouldn't mind a bit if we cut back from three to two.

I wouldn't even mind if one of those three songs was a special solo, duet, or quartet presentation. I wouldn't mind that at all because we have a lot of musical talent in our church, both instrumental and vocal, both young and old.

And besides, my hips hurt and I find myself "pacing" side to side, in an unconscious effort to avoid discomfort. I can stand for two songs easier than I can stand for three.

And that's my explanation for why I don't know the song.

Sigh!

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A Whole Lot of Shaking Goin' On!

Earthquakes. Seems to be a lot of 'em lately. Haiti. Chili. Elsewhere. Some folk seem to point to them as "signs of the end times". And, hey, we're getting close to December 2012 so why wouldn't they become concerned. (No, I do NOT believe the world is ending in 2012, contrary to what the History Channel reports. Nor do I study history itself via the History Channel. Somewhat of a misnomer there, in my opinion.)

Back to earthquakes.

Did you know that on the average, the world experiences fifteen earthquakes annually of a magnitude of 7.0 to 7.9?

And another statistic? On the average the earth experiences 13,000 earthquakes annually of 4.0 to 4.9 magnitude.

So for those who are hopping on the bandwagon of "signs", please be advised that recent earthquakes are within the "norm". All this shaken and rollin' is ongoing phenonema. The recent occurances are still within the average in terms of frequency and intensity.

When these earthquakes strike in areas of high populations (Haiti) the news media (and we) sit up and take notice. As well we should! But when they occur in relatively unpopulated areas, we really do not make a bit fuss of it.

It's fascinating. You can read about earthquakes at the USGS website here. And you can do the same here.

I noticed that there was an earthquake yesterday of 1.5 a mere 15 miles from our old residence in California. I'll bet my old neighbors there are totally unaware for who ever feels or worries about a 1.5 on the Richter scale?

Checking the maps at the second website listed above, I found that the area around Oklahoma City experienced two earthquakes just last week. One measured in at 2.0; the other was at 2.5. I don't remember seeing either in the news. Perhaps locals read it in their morning papers.

At the first site listed above, you will see that there are about 1,300,000 earthquakes worldwide every year in the size range of the Oklahoma earthquake. If we average that out to a weekly figure, we see that there are approximately 25,000 earthquakes of this size somewhere in the world every week!

Having said all of the above...as a believer, we are supposed to keep our heads up, our ears open, our thinking clear, in terms of what is happening all around us and in terms of what Jesus spoke to the disciples concerning the end times. However, don't jump to the conclusion that an earthquake such as that which occurred in Haiti, one with such intensity and with such destruction in terms of human life, is a "sign". That earthquake, with its sad attendant loss of lives, is still within the "norm" for Planet Earth.

And in terms of some TV "prophet" telling you that the "end is near", remember that Jesus told His disciples that "only the Father knows".

And in looking at that (that only the Father knows), I believe it is my job as a Christian to go about my business, do the work set before me, take the steps for today, and get on with life. To delve into speculation is to allow myself to get caught up in conjecturing instead of being caught up in what Jesus commanded us to do...which is to love God and to love our fellow man. We do that by going about the business of living, and not by making charts and predictions and worrying ad infinitum.

Hoping you are having an earthquake-free day, both in terms of geology and life events.

Blessings to ya!

P.S. "Ad infinitum" is a Latin phrase meaning "to infinity." In context, it usually means "continue forever, without limit"

It Pays to Be Cautious Out There. Real Cautious!

There are six of us in the room. The waiting room. We're each there to see the eye doctor. Except me. I'm the designated driver.

I'm not conducive to conversation this day...last Friday I had the heavy dosage of chemo (three drug combo) and my body feels tired and heavy. I'm motating okay. I'm just a bit quiet. And a tad grumpy.

The room is tiny...only 10 or 12 chairs and a tiny shelf holding magazines. A small room makes for conversation.

The older couple across the room (older than I by perhaps two decades) are conversationalists. They have already mentioned that the hubby has been getting shots in his eyes for macular degeneration. He's been doing that for some time. His driver's license is up for renewal soon. He hopes he will be able to pass the vision test.

Wifey reassures us with, "Bob is really an excellent driver." And then she adds this bit of information about herself..."I'm the sign reader. I see them good."

Bob feels he needs to fill in the blanks. He adds, "I don't want to take my eyes off the road." While she reads the signs, that is.

They like to drive to San Antonio each year. I checked it on mapquest. That's 982 miles due south of here.

If you're on the road between Iowa and Texas it's probably a good idea to be cautious on the highway. Real cautious. Just sayin'.

P.S. Today's word is "motate"! Can you believe "motate" is not in the dictionary? I've been using this word from way back. I can't believe it's not in Webster's! I found the definition in an online "unword" dictionary. Go figure. Then motate on down the highway.

• (mō'tāt)

1. (v.) To leave.

Origins: From Latin movEre, to move, and -atus, to act upon; possibly related to the use of a motorized vehicle.

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Tossing and Turning and Words in the Wee Hours

It is a consistent thing in my life that in the wee hours of the morning, somewhere around 3:36 AM, I awaken. I glance at the clock. Sometimes it's 3:34 or 3:38. But I awaken consistently within a ten-minute time frame. And when it is the later time I note that I have been tossing and resisting the awakening.

I don't know why. It's not train time. There are several trains that go through town during the night with most of them hauling Wyoming coal to the power plant up near the city. Trains with coal cars that are sometimes decorated with graffiti. Colorful graffiti probably painted by gang members and so even though it is colorful I try not to admire it too much. (Am I the only one who cannot read what they are writing?)

Early this morning, while lying awake, I was thinking of several things, several people, saying prayers, reciting Scripture in my head. And one of the verses that popped into my head was this one:

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Surely, with the splendid awesomeness of our natural world, one's mind must be drawn to the fact of a Creator. Something cannot come from nothing. Even the most astute scientist cannot say something comes from nothing...although I have not spoken to that man, whoever he may be, so perhaps he might try to explain how something CAN come from nothing. But I bet not. The science world always explains how things were created from SOMEthing.

But to my way of thinking there has to be something before "the beginning". Something outside of us. Something beyond us. And so I believe in a Creator God and I believe in Him as explained in the Bible.

This verse talks about the man who wishes to draw near to God and that he must first believe that there is God and secondly that God rewards those who seek Him.

I want to say that this "reward" is not the reward as promised by the "health, wealth, and prosperity" gospel, that promise of some famous or infamous TV preachers that if you send in your seed money of $58 or $75 or $15 and promise to do so monthly that you will reap a great financial harvest. It seems to me there is an aura of "Gimme" in their words. Doesn't it seem funny that they always want you to send your money to THEM and not to your LOCAL church or even, indeed, to the local FOOD PANTRY or even to a family member who is losing their home.

The promise of those things (riches now) is of too short duration. In fact Jesus tells his disciples (and all followers) they will undergo suffering and persecution in life. (John 16:33) Life on this earth is hard. There is not a single solitary soul who escapes the trauma, the tragedy, the loss of loved ones, the struggle just to survive and to make life a decent place for self and family. Yes, there are days and seasons of "good". But we all go through the tough seasons as well. (And since suffering hits all, we should be compassionate to others in their time of need.)

Now I do believe that God does indeed bless us with the things of "here and now" with each of us being blessed in different ways. Our forebears certainly were not blessed with the knowledgeable medical care that we have available. Nor did they have such comfy homes as we have, with dishwashers, laundry machines, warm furnaces, and hot water available at the spigot.

Even in my life time, as a child, we never went to the doctor unless our temperature hit 104 and that was only because Mom knew that having a fever that high or higher could cause brain damage.

Even in my lifetime we lived in homes with no electricity or inside plumbing and using an outdoor facility called an "outhouse".

Even in this lifetime many around the world live in poverty and starvation and joblessness and you name it. I challenge you to preach to them the health, wealth, and prosperity gospel and tell them to "name it and claim it". I hope they boot you out the door, if they have a door through which to boot you.

No, the rewards of this lifetime may simply be existing another day. And sometimes that is the prayer of the day..."Give us this day our daily bread."

I've come to believe that when the writer of Hebrews wrote "that he rewards those who seek him" that the reward spoken of does include the things of now, the "daily bread"", the things I need now to live through the day. It includes peace of mind in the midst of good and bad. But more importantly, it includes an eternal reward, a knowledge that there is more to this life than the "now", that eternal life (which begins now.. see John 5:24) awaits those who have faith in the Creator God and what He has provided us through Christ's dying for our sins... forgiveness, salvation, justification, and the robe of righteousness that we will wear when we stand before the throne of judgment.

That verse, Hebrews 11:6, is short but it is powerful to the one who reads and hears.

The photo? A small reminder of the creative power of God. My granddaughter took this photo in Oregon last week. Thanks, Mel!