Friday, January 15, 2010

Year One Done. Year Two Coming Up.

A year ago today I awoke from gall bladder surgery. It takes awhile to come out from under anesthesia and I lay there in a white fog, watching a clock on the wall in front of me, glancing at it often enough to realize time was passing. I sensed rather than saw nurses moving about the room. I may or may not have been the only patient in the room, but I don't know that for certain for my eyes seemed to focus mainly on the clock. It was right in my range of view and I kept looking up at it, knowing that it would take time for my addled brain to fully come awake. Everything else was just a white haze.

After what seemed like 45 minutes or so I saw the face of my surgeon hovering over me in a halo of white, bending low over me as he told me he had successfully removed the gall bladder. Then he added this. "I discovered cancer during the surgery."

My response? "That is NOT good news."

Debulking surgery. Chemo. Six sessions. Then several months of quiet time, feeling good.

One year down. Beginning year two. A PET scan last week indicated areas of activity, meaning the scan detected areas where cancer cells seem to be once again growing. The areas are small. But they are there. I suppose it is not surprising that I feel quite well. Who would know! Ovarian is such a silent disease. I'm just thankful my doc suggested the PET. Previous CT scans showed nothing unusual.

We'll be making a trip first of the month to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for a second opinion in regards to future treatment. I'm actually quite looking forward to this as I'd like to get this show on the road, In spite of the potential side-effects, I am ready to do battle. I did this once and I can do it again. And in regards to side-effects, it is most likely that I will be on a different regimen this time, so perhaps they will not be as bad. Perhaps I will not lose my hair this time. Mostly, I just hope I can once again avoid nausea. Pain I can deal with. Nausea I dread.

But I won't fret about that. I'll wait and see what the Mayo docs recommend. And then we'll slug it out again.

In the meantime I continue to trust God in all of this. It's hard, you know. Your mind focuses on "here and now" and not on "the eternal". I have to drag my mind off of all the current "what ifs" and move on over to "no matter whats". For it is in the "no matter what" that I bend to God's will for my life. I choose to trust Him no matter what.

As Peter said, "Lord, where else can we go?" John 6:68-69
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19 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm sorry, I was so hoping that your scan would be clear. I'll keep praying for you.

Paula said...

I am so very sorry to hear this. But as God has been faithful He will continue to be. It brings joy to my heart to hear of your continued faith in Jesus for all things. We will be praying for you and your husband. I know these are difficult times.

melissa said...

I'll definitely be praying you up both before and during your trip. Praying for miracles, for sure. :)

Debby said...

We pray for you, my friend.

Laurie M. said...

Judy, I'm sorry to hear this. But I'm also glad that it seems they've caught it very soon - and that you are handling the news so well. God is faithful, and of that I know you are sure. May the Lord bless and strengthen you for the battle, dear sister.

Pilgrim Mommy said...

You have my prayers, sister. May the Lord keep you firmly anchored on the Rock.

gvandyk said...

It is times like these that we need to turn from looking at the immediate path and focus on the destination. We want comfort and ease but God gives us trials. God wants us to be depedant on Him alone laying all our cares in His hands. This we sinners find hard to do. The fall has made man thinking autonomous. We hate the lack of control. You both are in my prayers. (this comment is as much my need as it is yours)

Diane said...

(((HUGS))) my sister. As God has shown Himself to be faithful in the past, He will continue to be with you. I'm praying - for you, your husband and family, the wisdom of the doctors.

jim said...

What a blessing it is to be married to a woman with such great faith. I am overwhelmed with your ability to stay focused on the promises of God during this trial. Being your husband has brought me so many blessings.

Karen said...

I'm not sure which post touched me more tenderly: yours, Whitestone, or your husband's. I am praying for you, friend, and am here to "walk" along this path with you, through each and every bend, every day. God will never leave your side.

Blessings to you, friend!

Kelly said...

I'm sorry to hear that things weren't all clear in your recent scan.

I know I've only been reading your blog for a few months, but I can tell that you are a strong, determined woman, grounded in your faith. I also see that you have a wonderful support system with friends and family.

God is good and He will see you through this next chapter.

I will be praying for you.

Forrest said...

Judy, may His helping grace in time of need be great upon you as you continue going boldly to our Great High Priest, Jesus Christ! (Hebrews 4:14-16.)

Praying for you.

Dorothy said...

You can count on my prayers too, Whitestone. I am so sorry that you have to walk this road...again...but you already know that you are not walking it alone.

S. Etole said...

I've been to the Mayo Clinic many times for other things and they really are exceptional. May God's peace enfold you as you make this journey.

Debbie said...

My internet friend I will be praying for you and your hubby.

Linda said...

I will continue to walk along with you--while holding you in my prayers. Know that you have sisters-in-Christ across blogger land!

Tina said...

So sorry to hear the news. Its sounds like it was caught early? Hopefully the treatment won't be too intense for you. I'm so glad you have a strong faith. God is good and will be walking with you and your husband through this, and when you need it, He will carry you.
I'll keep you in my prayers,
Tina

Young Mom said...

May God bless you and replenish you as you continue the fight.

Daria said...

I am sorry about this news ... thinking of you.