A year ago today I awoke from gall bladder surgery. It takes awhile to come out from under anesthesia and I lay there in a white fog, watching a clock on the wall in front of me, glancing at it often enough to realize time was passing. I sensed rather than saw nurses moving about the room. I may or may not have been the only patient in the room, but I don't know that for certain for my eyes seemed to focus mainly on the clock. It was right in my range of view and I kept looking up at it, knowing that it would take time for my addled brain to fully come awake. Everything else was just a white haze.
After what seemed like 45 minutes or so I saw the face of my surgeon hovering over me in a halo of white, bending low over me as he told me he had successfully removed the gall bladder. Then he added this. "I discovered cancer during the surgery."
My response? "That is NOT good news."
Debulking surgery. Chemo. Six sessions. Then several months of quiet time, feeling good.
One year down. Beginning year two. A PET scan last week indicated areas of activity, meaning the scan detected areas where cancer cells seem to be once again growing. The areas are small. But they are there. I suppose it is not surprising that I feel quite well. Who would know! Ovarian is such a silent disease. I'm just thankful my doc suggested the PET. Previous CT scans showed nothing unusual.
We'll be making a trip first of the month to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for a second opinion in regards to future treatment. I'm actually quite looking forward to this as I'd like to get this show on the road, In spite of the potential side-effects, I am ready to do battle. I did this once and I can do it again. And in regards to side-effects, it is most likely that I will be on a different regimen this time, so perhaps they will not be as bad. Perhaps I will not lose my hair this time. Mostly, I just hope I can once again avoid nausea. Pain I can deal with. Nausea I dread.
But I won't fret about that. I'll wait and see what the Mayo docs recommend. And then we'll slug it out again.
In the meantime I continue to trust God in all of this. It's hard, you know. Your mind focuses on "here and now" and not on "the eternal". I have to drag my mind off of all the current "what ifs" and move on over to "no matter whats". For it is in the "no matter what" that I bend to God's will for my life. I choose to trust Him no matter what.
As Peter said, "Lord, where else can we go?" John 6:68-69