Two Steps Backward - or - Please Stay Home

Scenario: Two days ago...in my hometown thrift shop...a place that is run by the hospital auxiliary which uses their profits to fund many things at our rural small-town hospital which has been a Godsend to me this past year.

I walk into the shop. Several ladies are near the cash register. One asks Ms. M the usual "How ya doin'?"

It's a polite greeting...similar to a "Howdy!" except nobody around here says "Howdy!"

Ms. M replies, "I've got the creeping crud."

At this point I want to remind you that this past winter, while doing chemo, my personal immunity to illness was at a personal all-time historical low. Bottles of alcohol (the hand cleaning kind) were my friend. If someone sneezed, even in the far back of the grocery store, I fled the scene leaving my shopping cart and contents behind. (I exaggerate only slightly.)

Anyway, Ms. M says she has the creeping crud. Every woman in the place took two steps backward. And stopped inhaling.

Ms. M added this reassuring note, "I hope it's not contagious!"

Two more steps backward.

Then Ms. M adds this very reassuring comment..."I'll be over it in two weeks. That's how long it lasted last time."

We flee the scene. Holding our breath. Scrubbing our hands with alcohol once we get in the car.

Ms. M wonders where everyone went.

The thrift shop loses sales for the next three weeks and goes into bankruptcy. The hospital itself, bereft of the assistance of the auxiliary funds, struggles to remain afloat.

I'm not going any further on this. It's ridiculous enough.

However...IF YOU ARE SICK, PLEASE STAY HOME, Ms. M!!!!!!