Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Aaargh! Do We Do This AGAIN! Or "How He Lied To Me!"

That man sat there, with a slight smile on his face, his eyes squinting every so slightly and he plain out and out lied to me.

No, not my Hubby. I'm talking about my new Oncologist. A month ago he and I reviewed a list of "possibles" in terms of new chemo treatment. He picked the one at the top of the list and said, "We'll do this one." Actually it included the same drugs as before -- carboplatin and paclitaxel or carbo/taxol for short. Added to this duo would be a new drug, Avastin, which is currently being used with recurrent ovarian cancer and carries some vague promise (yah, another promise!) of efficacy in holding cancer cells at bay.

This time round, we're doing lesser dosages more often. Small doses weekly vs. high doses every third week.

So I sez to the Onc, "How about hair loss?"

He sez, "Oh, perhaps a bit of thinning."

I knew he was lying then.

I have proof of it this week. Proof by the handfull.

Funny thing. It's not nearly as traumatic this time round as it was a year ago. I actually feel rather matter-of-fact about it. Frankly, I could go bald for the next 20 years if I could feel good and live my life for those 20 years. Hair is the least of it.

Other than the hair thing, I feel really well. I have plenty of energy and I wake up every morning in a good frame of mind. No aches, no pains, no nausea. Only the hair issue. (Well, my white blood count is down but shots take care of that.)

I've heard of worse side-effects. Chemotherapy can consist of any number of drugs and any combo thereof. Some can cause major damage to the kidneys, liver, heart...not to mention "chemo brain" where your thinking gets a bit askew, a bit less than yesterday's sharp thinking. No, I don't mind the hair loss...it's just such a nuisance with all the scarves and caps and hats and drawing of eyebrows and adding eyeliner to sub for loss of lashes. It's all such a nuisance...except at shower time. Then it's easy and I can see why men shave their heads.

I do sigh a bit, though, when I look at old photos and see that lovely mop of smooth, straight, white hair that sat atop my head. I sure did have a nice hair-do.

Time for breakfast...oatmeal with raisins. Coffee.

Go hug your hair!

Added late today! Blood test today. Results? My CA-125 has gone down considerably under this new series of chemo. That's good news, Folks!

16 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm sorry, WhiteStone. Doctors should be totally honest.

Your last sentence did make me smile, though. I do appreciate my hair. My mother (until her death from cancer when I was 17) suffered from "female pattern baldness" and had real issues with hers.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm so sorry. That sucks. Really sucks. And I was loving your curls.

Dorothy said...

You sure did have a lovely hairdo! But I'm glad losing it is the only real side effect of the chemo for you. I pray you do have 20 more years (or more!) of feeling great!

Kia Taylor said...

I'm hugging my hair, thanks for the reminder...althoughI don't think we're ever happy as women with our hair...I keep cutting mine because of these stupid hot flashes...soon I'll be as short as I was during treatment:) So glad your side effects are minimal!! I've heard great things about avastin...

Sheri said...

Sorry you have go through this. Your thinkig is right, it's just hair. Getting well is whats important right now.((((Hugs)))

melissa said...

Aw nuts. Feeling for you big time.

Karen said...

Whitestone,
Sorry you were caught off guard with the hair loss. I just love the way that you handle it, though, with strength, courage, and humor. Lots and lots of humor!

Thanks for being such a wonderful role model, with or without the hair.

It'll be back; you know that. It'll be back...

Sending hugs your way!

Debby said...

Hair hugged...

Jana said...

I may even kiss mine but Im sorry you have to go through this. I am praying for you!! Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

ce_squared said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your hair loss! You had such lovely curls. BUT, thank goodness that's the only side effect. Yay!

Hair hugs,
cxxx

S. Etole said...

ohhh ... thanks for the reminder to be grateful for so many of the things we take for granted ...

Debby said...

You know, WhiteStone, when I sat in church and heard that scripture, I knew, I just knew in my heart that God was at work here. His hand is in it. And those tumor markers show it. You are giving everyone a chance to watch God at work, close up. God bless you my friend!

Elle Bee said...

Liar! He could've at least said "you'll be bald as a baby" and just gotten it all out there. Ah. Well. I'm glad your numbers are good. I've no idea what they mean, but you say good, I say good.

Bill said...

Darn, Whitestone!

Just keep that 20 years in front of you.

And enjoy the sun that you are getting.

You might lose your hair, but not your beauty.

Kerry ABOUT ME said...

I'm so sorry about the hair loss and that doctor. It is all so very frustrating living with the effects of chemo day to day. I'm so glad you got some good news and I will keep praying that the chemo whips that cancer. I agree with Debby. God is using you in a big way. Thanks for inspiring. Here's a hug not just for me but for you, cancer sister. ((Hugs)).

Kerry Osborne

Daria said...

It is a bit sad ... but you are right ... the loss is minor in comparison.